Angel

In memory of poet Mary Oliver, whose lyrical works kindled a profound love and connection to the natural world for many. Wild Geese “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting – over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” ~ Mary Oliver World Pantheist Movement: Universe, Nature, Human/Animal Rights, Science, Life www.pantheism.net - community...

being different is scary it's so scary it's like you never have a reference  and i stick in each place like a sore thumb. i used to hate it i hated so much because i was a kid raised to be perfect i was meant to get the highest grades . my parents and teachers thought that i am so smart and i remember getting those grades they wished only on the subjects i loved. it's just that i was an over sensitive kid and i  know my parents didn't mean it but by pushing me so hard to be perfect when i didn't know why exactly i should do it i got systematized that i should be perfect to deserve love and respect  the more i push myself the more i am respected and in a way this  might be true. but when talking to your little kid it's very important to point out how you love them and how they are worth everything no matter what because i always had the spirit of the artist i only discovered it when i got old but i was always the person that can't do something t...

كل فترة و لانى شخص مريح فى الكلام شوية ناس بيفتحولى قلبهم و يبتدوا يتكلموا من واقع عشمهم عن ازاى انا لازم اكون احلى ساعات بيكون الكلام ده جاى من مكان طيب و بيكون قصده معنوى زى هدى صوتك خليكى اعقل  لكن الاكتر بيكون الكلام واقعه سطحى اكتر بمعنى : مفكرتيش تخسي يا سارة؟ مش شايفة ان فلانة احلى منك عشان بس واخدة بالها من جمالها اكتر ؟ مش عاوزة تحردى وسطك ؟ معندكيش حد توريه جمالك الحقيقي؟ بعترف انى فى وقت كنت بقارن نفسي بالبنات و وقف عند ١٥ سنة بعدها بقيت اشوف جمال كل ست عشان اتعلمت اشوف جمال نفسي و اتعلمت اتقبل جسمى و انى مش بيونسيه و ممكن احاول اكون شبهها بس يمكن ان بصحتى و مبسوطة و مش مضايقنى الكام كيلو دول قد ما مضايقين الناس. لكن كتر الكلام خلق علاقة i hate you i love you ما بينى و ما بين جسمى انا بحبه عشان انا بحبه بس بكرهه عشان انا بحبه بس بيسمعنى كلام زى السم ممكن ميكونش له معنى فعلا بس كلام و كتير و نيته نقد توبيخ او اهانة ساعات. من قريب حد عزيز عليا اوى قعد معايا و قالى انا مش شايفك بتخسي يا سارة فرديت قلت انه occasional كيلو او اتنين مش حاجة مصرة عليها فقالى انه انا معنديش ...

A few examples of how to escape a relationship/friendship that no longer serves you  Scénario 1:  The light goes out and when it's back on you are already gone  Scénario 2: The light goes out and when it's back on a paper is in your chair with a poem about how you can't take it.. Remember never think of their reaction let them handle it the way they let you handle everything Scénario 3: Mirror their actions feed them the truth they want bland the same way you were fed unhear them in a way that whatever you know about them doesn't matter you'll eventually hit a soft spot bruise an ego or step on an insecurity this will be a long process the light will go out and when it's back the room is yours Scénario 4: Ask them for help they will flee before the light goes out and the room will be dark for a bit but remember that the power will be back or the morning will hit and the sun will melt away the ice of fear and despair Scénario 5: When in an argument use the same ...

A few days ago there was this post that everyone was sharing about how they are ready to listen to those who have suicidal thoughts and offer tea and coffee and a warm hug and i wanted to share it so bad but i knew i couldn't: i have been through it i know the feeling of having not an ounce of hope being completely helpless have sadness wash over you like cold waves that make you litteraly shudder and i would love to help but i can't handle it i can't listen to anyone's pain at the moment as it hits sore spots and as a person who has listened beyond rheir capacity just for the sake oh helping i know that it's not mostly about listening but aiding a hurt person makes you prone to emotional punching and it's when they are very frustrated they start taking their pain out on you or toying with your feelings for a moment of temporary pleasure or only ever talk to you if they are hurt no matter how hurt you could be or how unwell you could be feeling they will dismi...

2 years ago i was deep into a pit of desperation i was having thoughts that aren't mine void of any sense of myself i was writing for others and i was painting with other people's hands i had other ears on me and some loved ones that i traded with traitors for i was unable to see what love they were offering and went begging for a home when my home was right behind me  . It was all me no one had put me there i took the steps and went back home when the red flags of death were floating in the sky carried by ravens it was like a struck of lightning i ran back unaware of where to go but a small part of me  has held into the maps of my old life like it knew i would ve going back.. I went back to see my mother my grandma and all the women i knew huddled by the window in black gowns murmuring prayers watering the wooden floors with tears i slept by their feet i hugged the remains of me i collected the torn photos in my head and worked until i formed faces i reco...