blossoming flower: prayers to my god

i have put my agony in small glass boxes and stood by them on the street because i was told to do so.
i had been waking  up every night at 3 am by voices telling me to come out until i did and my chest didn't feel as heavy.

tell me how do you get your heart ready for losing a part of it how can you feel safe when you have strangers dressed in black visiting you  weeping at the edge of your bed every night telling you that this heart of yours is going to be scarred by the first real mark of loss and it will be so brutal that nothing will ever be the same.

well i have told them that i've thrown away a thousand lives before  that i had lost this little heart of mine in a years long war and in it's place i have the soul of a lone tree in the middle no where.
a soul i was gifted in a ritual where the lord himself  was present where time didn't exist where i wasn't worried about thirst or the cold night for he had sent us a fire that kept us warm and safe a fire so graceful a deep orange vibrant red contrasting the blue dark we were swimming into it made wolves sit and watch it like obedient little dogs.

god was here and all of my wounds were sewn closed and patience was planted in my dry little palms my hollow chest was filled to the brim i was able to feel again.
i knew then that i was made to stay that i could  start a thousand other lives resist my demons save universes with the love i am carrying at that moment

i had met god as a ghost and left feeling like the kid i used to : the one that would climb rooftops to greet the sun before anyone else the one that gathers her neighbors just to marvel over the beauty of flowers in her backyard


the night was sealed when  when we split the soul in half wrapped each part in silk embroidered with all kinds of prayers.
prayers strong enough to revive lands to water what was gripped harshly by drought .paint green over the sick yellow and bring back what was lost   :

"Lord you make all things new, the Creator who is continually nurturing, renewing, and developing every aspect of our remarkable universe.

Lord you make all things new. I rest in your creative arms, I dwell in the hope of this renewal, I hope in the strength of your mighty hand.

Lord you make all things new. Take all I am, all I care for, and all I love into your gentle arms. Come to touch and heal, mend and restore, release and minister.

Lord thank you that you make all things new. Thank you that there is always a new start in you. Thank you that today my life is being remade anew."

Amen.