haunting ticking

i didn't realize i was becoming so materialistic so ungrateful . i sat on the ground cursing the skies and weeping for what i don't have rather than embracing what I've got i bowed down to time and let it walk all over my existence and then i complained about all the clocks around me about the ticking that is the background of my dreams of my nightmares of my music of his voice i watched my self circling from 12 to 12 again my boyfriend's face turning into another clock the magazines covers featuring watches the big Ben on billboards a little watch blossomed from my core till i had a big ass clock between my legs ticking louder and louder each second until it all turned black.
i love my pale smooth skin that turns a pretty pink under the hot water i love how feminine my voice sounds i love my little hands and my wide eyes i love it when i get so determined and i love it when he gets me all soft at 3 am i love my lips my hair my feet my waist i love my sensitivity my independence the impact of every little thing on me and i hate those relapses that i get i hate the days i wake up feeling like i don't belong on earth like i wanna escape my own body i hate time and how it slips out of my hands so easily i hate it when i feel like i am not in control.but i know that by the end of this phase i'll have a watch it my fist i know that i'll end this phase feeling victorious 


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